Marriage in the Orthodox Church is a Holy Mystery, one that confers the grace of God upon the couple and creates an indissoluble union between husband and wife. Before the marriage ceremony, there are many questions couples must ask themselves to ensure they are prepared for what it is they are about to do. For example, are they qualified for marriage in the Church to begin with? Do they have the required documents and ceremonial items? What are the guidelines for selecting members of the wedding party, particularly the “best man” and “maid of honor”? What happens if one of you is not an Orthodox Christian? Read on to discover the different things you should think about as you consider getting married in the Orthodox Church!
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Who can get married in the Orthodox Church?
Before you can even contemplate having your wedding in the Orthodox Church, you must make sure you and your spouse meet certain requirements. While some jurisdictions may have additional guidelines for couples, there are two that every jurisdiction has in common. They are rather simple and self-explanatory:
- Both of you must be baptized in the name of the Holy Trinity (cf. Matt. 28:19), and at least one (but preferably both) of you must be an Orthodox Christian.
In other words, the Church does not bless or perform marriages between Orthodox Christians and non-Christians (e.g. Muslims, Jews, Atheists). This is because the sacramental nature of the marriage bond requires the couple to not only pledge their love to each other but also their lives to Christ. How can a couple pledge their lives to Him together if one of them does not believe in Him?
*Note: the priest may request proof of baptism, along with a birth certificate. Learn more about required documentation below. - Neither of you can be currently married to another person.
This applies to marriages blessed by the Orthodox Church and to secular marriages. If either of you received a civil or ecclesiastical divorce, typically, you must first receive a blessing from your bishop recognizing the divorce and allowing remarriage. Additionally, if you or your future spouse is widowed, you must produce a legal death certificate for the deceased spouse.
Additional marriage restrictions
The Orthodox Church also prohibits the following marriages:
- Parent with child/grandchild
- Brother-in-law with sister-in-law
- First or second cousins
- Aunt/Uncle with niece/nephew
- Godparent with Godchild
- Godfather/mother with parent of Godchild
- Foster parents with foster child
- Same sex couples
A note about interfaith marriage
The wish of the Church is for all people to be united in Christ, making their home an extension of the Church herself. The prayer is for a couple to raise children, by God’s grace, and to allow them to become faithful leaders and participants in the Church of Christ. For these reasons, for centuries, Orthodox Canon Law has discouraged intermarriage of any type. The Church, in Her wisdom, allows for discernment and oikonomia in allowing people to marry someone else of a Christian and Trinitarian Doctrine.
Consult the wisdom of your local priest if you are contemplating marriage to a non-Orthodox Christian. Many people marry non-Orthodox spouses, but there are some things to consider if you wish to remain in good Canonical standing in the Church:
- The wedding must take place in an Orthodox Church
- The non-Orthodox spouse is not required to convert to Orthodoxy if they do not wish; however, they must have been previously baptized in the Trinitarian Doctrine and the name of the Holy Trinity.
- In meetings with your priest, you will discuss the importance of marriage and raising your future children in the Orthodox Church. This “premarital counseling” will reveal how your significant other feels about raising your potential children and bringing them up in the Faith. This can be a stumbling block for many couples, even those who initially agree.
When can a wedding take place?
Another important consideration for couples marrying in the Church is the actual date of the wedding ceremony. Throughout the year, the Church does not officiate marriages during certain seasons or on certain dates. If you have access to a liturgical calendar, here is a good rule of thumb: the Church cannot officiate marriages on any day that calls for fasting (colored red on the calendar). Occasionally, these dates vary in different jurisdictions; however, in general, Orthodox churches do not officiate marriages on the following dates:
- All Wednesdays and Fridays (unless they are during feast periods)
- Any evening that comes before one of the Twelve Major Feasts
- During any of the four extended fasting periods
- Nativity Fast (Nov. 15 – Dec. 24)
- Great Lent (dates change each year)
- Apostles’ Fast (the Monday after All Saints to the feast day of Ss. Peter and Paul on June 29)
- Dormition Fast (Aug. 1 – Aug. 14)
- Aug. 28/29 (the Beheading of St. John the Baptist)
- Sept. 13/14 (the Exaltation of the Holy Cross)
Only under grave circumstances will the Church allow weddings during these periods. In that case, the Metropolitan must grant permission for the marriage to take place. Additionally, when planning your wedding, attempt to communicate your preferred date with the priest as soon as you can. Take into account his schedule and the availability of the church’s facilities.
Where can the wedding take place?
Thankfully, this question is one of the easiest to answer! Orthodox weddings must take place in an Orthodox church building, not at a private home, botanical garden, beach, etc. Since marriage is a sacrament intimately tied to the life of the Church, it must be administered within the Church, which resides in physical buildings under the authority of bishops.
Selecting members of the Wedding Party
Out of all wedding party members, the Koumbaros/Koumbara is perhaps the most important. This person is a witness before God and the Church, attesting to the reality of your marriage. (Note that this is not the same as the best man/maid of honor, who serve simply as legal witnesses, not an ecclesiastical one. A Koumbaros/Koumbara can serve as both.)
Every couple wed in the Church must have A Koumbaros/Koumbara, and he/she must be a baptized Orthodox Christian in good standing with the Church. The couple only needs to have either a Koumbaros or a Koumbara, not both. However, if you wish to have both, that is perfectly acceptable. In Orthodox Tradition, the man, woman, or couple chosen eventually become the godparents of any future children.
In some traditions, the Koumbaros may also exchange the rings and the crowns, and hold the ribbon as you walk around the ceremonial table together as husband and wife. As part of this role, he typically purchases the wedding crowns, the silver tray, the almonds, the candles, etc., used during the ceremony.
If you plan to have additional groomsmen, bridesmaids, ushers, etc., they do not have to be Orthodox. They must, however, agree to observe the practice and etiquette of Eastern Orthodox Tradition while participating in your wedding. Additionally, make sure to speak with your priest, so he is aware of those who will be in the wedding party.
Required legal documents for an Orthodox wedding
After choosing a date and selecting your wedding party, you will need to consult with the priest. During these talks, you will receive an application for an ecclesial marriage license (marriage in the Church). You must obtain the following documents to complete that application:
- Baptismal certificates for both you and your future spouse
- A copy of your civil Certificate of Marriage
- Civil divorce papers (if previously married in a civil service)
- Original ecclesial divorce certificate (if previously married in the Orthodox Church)
- Death certificate (if widowed in a previous marriage)
One quick note about civil marriage licenses. For a priest to marry you in the Church, by law, you must obtain a civil marriage license. Both parties must be present to obtain a marriage license.
Required items for an Orthodox wedding service
Lastly, you want to make sure you have everything you’ll need for the wedding service itself. Here is a general list of items, though this might vary by jurisdiction or parish. Check with your priest for a more comprehensive list.
- Wedding rings
- A pair of wedding crowns
- Two white candles
- A common cup
Miscellaneous considerations
Here are a few other things to keep in mind, should you go forward with a marriage in the Church:
- One couple, one service. Clergy cannot officiate at the marriage of multiple brides and grooms at the same time.
- There is no requirement that Orthodox churches charge a fee from those who wish to marry. Most don’t charge anything! But to be safe, check with the priest at the parish where you wish to have your wedding, just in case.
- The Betrothal service and Marriage (Crowning) are one united Sacrament in Orthodoxy. Therefore, they are celebrated together on the same day. This is different than Roman Catholic and Protestant practice, in which the two services might be separate and/or officiated on completely different days.
- If one or both of you are Orthodox, you should plan to receive the Sacraments of Confession and/or Communion some time before the wedding ceremony.
- If you are not Orthodox but desire to become Orthodox so you can marry in the Church, we strongly advise against this. A person should not convert to the Orthodox Church for the sole purpose of marrying an Orthodox man or woman. He/she should convert because he/she wants to know Christ in His fullness, in His One Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church. We become part of the Church to work toward and attain salvation and communion with the Lord. If that is not your reason for converting, then you should not do so.
Conclusion
In summary, make sure you fulfill all the requirements we discussed above if you wish to be wed in the Orthodox Church. Make sure you and your spouse are eligible, that you choose an appropriate date, select your wedding party members with great care, and obtain all important legal documents to give to the priest. And of course, don’t forget to get all the items you will need for the ceremony itself.
Did we miss anything? Do you have any questions that we didn’t answer in this post? Let us know in the comments!
Read More: 7 Holy Sacraments in the Orthodox Church
13 Responses
What happens if I take my civil marriage license but I don’t get married by civil ? Isn’t my church wedding a Sacrament ? Isn’t it legal ?
Thanks.
Eddie,
Christ is in our midst. Forgive us, but we don’t quite understand your question. Are you asking what happens if you get married in the Church but do not have a civil marriage license? God bless.
I hear Eddie asking if he needs to have a civil magistrate marry him prior to his sacramental marriage to make the marriage “legal?” In other words, with a civil license in hand, won’t his church marriage satisfy his governmental jurisdiction’s requirements to be legally married.
Nick,
Christ is in our midst! Now that we reread the question with your follow-up comment, that makes a bit more sense. In that case, the civil marriage license is what makes something “legal” in the eyes of the state. Eddie is correct in that the marriage is indeed a Holy Mystery and is binding before the Lord. However, the state does not follow our Lord anymore, and thus requires its own “proof” of your marriage, which is the license. This obviously does not mean you have to be married by a justice of the peace in addition to being married in the Church. Hopefully this makes sense! God bless!
Hello.
What are the views on an orthodox christian man being in a relationship with and/or marrying someone who has children from a previous relationship?
Laurel,
Christ is born! The matter is quite complex, depending on particular circumstances of the couple, so we would recommend speaking with your priest. If the woman is not Orthodox and was not married in the Church, and you have not previously been married before as an Orthodox man, you would be married under the usual Rite of Marriage (with your priest’s/bishop’s blessing). If the woman is, indeed, Orthodox having previously been married, then the both of you would need special dispensation from the bishop to be married (or remarried in the woman’s case). Whether there are children or not in the relationship does not affect the blessing of marriage; however, it would be something to discuss with your priest to see if marriage to this woman is, indeed, the best thing for you, for her, and for her children. We hope this helps answer your question. God bless!
My fiancé is Greek Orthodox and we are looking at doing 2 ceremonies. One in the church and then a celebratory one at a later date. Is this allowed?
Mackenzie,
Christ is risen! We are assuming that you are not Orthodox, so depending on what faith you practice, your fiancé’s priest may counsel you differently. We highly recommend speaking with him about this, since he will know you both as a couple better than we can. In general though, it would be a bit strange to have a separate ceremony outside the Church, since the marriage and the ceremony are so intimately tied together. God bless!
Father Bless , I was a traditional Roman Catholic ,converted to Orthodox for 8 yrs ago. My eldest daughter is divorced 3 teenagers, Shortly going to remarry . She is going to say their own vows, no officiant, no marriage. civil license , an outside area. Just immediate family.
I a widow, husband deceased who was a cradle Orthodox. Do I attend or not. Reasons for both and why.
Thankyou
Tammy (Photini),
Christ is in our midst! We are saddened to hear that you find yourself in such a predicament. And memory eternal to your beloved husband! This is quite a complex situation. We strongly recommend speaking with your spiritual father about this, as he will likely have a deeper understanding of the situation and can offer more informed guidance. There is no doctrinal position on whether Orthodox Christians should or should not attend non-Orthodox weddings. What we must always remember is our commission: to baptize people from all nations in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. To be the light of Christ in this world and glorify God with every thought, word, and deed. If our actions do not glorify God, we should not engage in them.
The reason for attending the wedding is quite obvious: she is your daughter, and you love her. Despite whatever mistakes she may have made or continues to make, she is your child, and you want to be there for her. The reason for not attending the wedding is, believe it or not, the same: she is your daughter, and you love her. The difference between choosing one or the other will depend on the way you choose to show the love of Christ to your daughter.
In deciding this, there are many variables to consider. How old are the teenage daughters? Is your daughter open to postponing her remarriage until all three are 18 and out of the house? Is the fiancé Orthodox, or does he wish to become Orthodox sometime in the future? Does your daughter still practice the Faith, or has she fallen away from it? Are your three granddaughters practicing Orthodox Christians? Do you approve of the man she has chosen, but not how they are choosing to marry (outside the Church)? Or do you not approve of him?
There are many, many questions that your priest can help you navigate to come to a faithful decision. Whether you choose to attend or not, you should strive to communicate your concerns to your daughter. If you have a close relationship, confide in her to let her know you believe she is making a mistake. That she should wait. That she should marry in the Church. Whatever it may be… Communicate these things to her in love and speak the truth. Remaining silent, whether you choose to attend or not, will signal to her either that you tacitly approve of her decisions (if you go) or that you want nothing to do with her (if you do not go).
The decision is not an easy one. Speak with your priest and carefully consider his counsel. And may the Lord guide you in all wisdom and discernment as you navigate this. And may the great martyr Photini intercede before Christ God to have mercy on our souls. Amen!
Father Bless, thank you for responding , I have asked a couple of priests the same question , what is the Orthodox Church ,body of Christ on Earth answers thru the Holy Spirit on marriage. They were more concerned about the emotional welfare of my relationship with the her at all costs and said of course she is your daughter, don’t want to upset her .. I said at what point do I stand up in spirit and truth as a practicing Orthodox to uphold the ancient true faith.Christ did say there will be divisions , mother against daughters , sons against fathers etc. I am a convert from a watered down teachings of RC to a traditional RC at 19 yrs old .A miracle after 37 yrs was chrismated initially then 4 yrs on my journey learning more of the right belief faith realized and regretted the priest should of insisted baptism first ( full immersion) dying to the old and renewing in the Ressurection. .God led me to a priest who maintained the right beliefs and baptized me with my 5 adult kids present. The Holy Spirit led me to the truth. Just celebrated 8 yrs in His church My children are fallen away , indifferent RC adults 28-39 in age. We have a loving relationship. They see I have devoted my love First to our Lord in the liturgical life. I know as a disciple of Christ I need to be the love and light in relationships with people. They have to own their meaning to desire, search hunger to find what is our purpose in life. I have to be prudent of where there are at in life, can’t be preachy by trying to convince, give facts if there hearts are not open. I have prayed before there birth that these were souls gifted to us to give back. Before to suggest marrying in a church they need to know first of His incarnation , His love , a soul created in His image and likeness and to spend eternal salvation with Him. They have to do their part to seek, ask , knock , to open their hearts as He is waiting with open arms. It is not enough to be good moral people to enter the heavenly kingdom. He taught and showed us the way , truth and life. As the world views life the culture has put the King near the bottom of their list as they adhere to the worlds way to be happy and find peace. The 12 apostles spent 3yrs daily with our Lord , how many were at the crucifixion? My adult daughter who is not in daily communion , friendship with are Lord chooses to follow the culture and redefine sacramental marriage which was instituted by God . In my conscience I am scandalizing my grandkids that you don’t need God , do what suits you. After 37 yr journey as a simple humble devoted faithful traditional RC. (stepping stone) with truth as the underlying thread to look further back to the beginning to the apostles, Bible, tradition,early church fathers , saints faith , prayer. So I will continue by His grace to pick up my cross and put Him first and trust in all things. I can’t not choose emotions over truth. I have to follow my conscience. This was and is a continual process of being in daily union as we examine ourselves to change to become what He created us to be before the Fall. (Like Him.)
Yes my heart is sorrowful as they will be too. I need to be the light in the world as it gets darker. Our Lord is with us.
Prayers to the all Loving Merciful God for all.
Sorry I did not give further details of your questions, I can another time.
This matters most , our eternal salvation.
Glory to God in all things!
Photini,
Amen – Glory to God! Our hearts grieve with you as you navigate this situation. May the Lord guide you and teach you to be a light in the lives of your children, and may they one day return to Him and to the fullness of the Faith. May the Holy Spirit guide your tongue as you speak to your children and grandchildren, filling them with wisdom and discernment. Through the intercessions of the great martyr Photini, O Lord Jesus Christ our God, have mercy on us and save us. Amen.
Wow! Glory to God Photini! Find one of Elder Ephraims monestaries if you haven’t yet. God bless you and all your long efforts to find the real truth. Stay strong!!