In Eastern Orthodoxy, sexuality is not something we should be ashamed of. Rather, it is a gift from God we must cherish, respect, and sanctify within the context of marriage. However, that does not mean that “everything goes” simply because a man and woman are married. Indeed, the Church provides clear guidance—rooted in Scripture, the teachings of the Church Fathers, and centuries of pastoral wisdom—about what constitutes appropriate and inappropriate sexual behavior in Orthodox Christian marriages.
*Discretion advised, especially with Orthodox youth. While we try to avoid going into too much detail, we do mention sexual behaviors by name and describe the negative effects some of these behaviors have on the marriage bond.
4 minutes
Marriage is a Holy Mystery
The Eastern Orthodox Church teaches that marriage is a Holy Mystery (or Sacrament). Through this Mystery, husband and wife participate in the love of Christ and His Church. Sexual intimacy is an integral part of this union, serving both unitive (the deepening of spousal love) and procreative (the openness to children) purposes.
Related: Husbands, Love Your Wives…
However, not all sexual behaviors are appropriate for Christian husbands and wives. We must remember St. Paul’s words in his Epistle to the Hebrews: “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4). Sexuality within marriage is honorable and can be sanctified, but only if husbands and wives abstain from inappropriate behaviors.
What is sexually appropriate
- Mutual Consent and Love.
Sexual relations should always be consensual, loving, and free of coercion. The Orthodox tradition emphasizes mutual self-offering, not selfish gratification. Saint Paul counsels spouses not to “deprive one another” (1 Corinthians 7:5), but also to respect one another’s needs and boundaries. - Fidelity.
Faithfulness is central, both emotionally and physically. Adultery is a grave sin that undermines the sacramental bond. - Openness to Life.
While not every act must result in conception, Orthodoxy encourages openness to children as a natural fruit of marital love. Artificial contraception is a nuanced topic within Orthodoxy; some jurisdictions permit it under pastoral guidance, while others discourage it. - Sanctity and Modesty.
Husbands and wives should conduct themselves with a sense of reverence and modesty when they engage in intercourse, recognizing the presence of God in the marriage. - Times of Abstinence.
The Orthodox Church prescribes periods of abstinence (such as during Great Lent, before receiving Holy Communion, or on fasting days) as times to focus on prayer and spiritual growth. These are not rejections of sexuality, but opportunities for discipline and sanctification.
What is NOT sexually appropriate
- Adultery and Infidelity
Any sexual relations outside the marital bond are strictly forbidden. - Coercion or Force
Sexual intimacy must never be forced or coerced. The Church unequivocally condemns marital rape as a violation of the person and of the marital bond. - Degrading Acts
Sexual acts that degrade, objectify, or humiliate one’s spouse are not consistent with the sacramental dignity of marriage. - Pornography and Third Parties
Involvement of pornography or third parties (whether physically or virtually) is a violation of marital fidelity and spiritual purity. - Contraception (with Nuance)
The Church discourages the use of artificial contraception. Couples in complex situations should speak with their priest. - Sexual Acts Contrary to Natural Law
Sexual activity must serve both a unitive and procreative purpose. Any sexual activities that corrupt these purposes are not appropriate. This includes activities like oral/anal sex and masturbation.
Pastoral discernment
Eastern Orthodoxy places a strong emphasis on pastoral discernment. The Church recognizes that every marriage is unique. Couples should always seek guidance from their parish priest or spiritual father when facing questions or struggles regarding their intimate life. The goal is always healing, wholeness, and deeper unity—not legalism or shame.
Conclusion
In the Eastern Orthodox tradition, sexual intimacy within marriage is a sacred gift, meant to unite husband and wife in love, joy, and openness to new life. The boundaries the Church sets are not arbitrary restrictions, but guidelines aimed at fostering mutual respect, holiness, and genuine communion. For those seeking clarity or struggling with these teachings, the Church offers compassion, guidance, and hope for growth in love.
Keep Reading: Wives, Submit To Your Husbands