Social media has become incredibly pervasive over the last twenty years, working its way into nearly every facet of our lives. Facebook, X, TikTok, Instagram, Pinterest, WhatsApp, Snapchat. And those are just the main ones everyone knows about! Social media has become almost “essential” to survival in the secular world, or so it would seem. As faithful Orthodox Christians, we must pause and reflect upon the effects social media is having on our spiritual lives, and on the spiritual lives of our family members. Additionally, we must have the discernment and discipline to limit usage of social media and protect our children from its influence.
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Why do we really use social media?
Take a moment to reflect on your own social media usage. What are you doing on these platforms? Are you truly connecting with people? Or are you there for some form of entertainment?
If we are being honest with ourselves, it’s the latter most of the time. We are bored, and therefore gravitate toward our devices for entertainment. Social media moguls know this. Their model may have originally been built on the facilitation of human connection, but they have since found a far more lucrative model: keeping your attention with highly tailored entertainment.
Social media is designed to be addictive
As human beings, God created us with the innate desire for interpersonal relationships. We were made to want to connect with each other. When we connect with someone, our brains release dopamine, which gives us feelings of satisfaction and pleasure. Social media attempts to hijack this need for human connection, replacing it with a technological imitation that triggers that same dopamine release. To do this, the platforms use complex algorithms to learn what kind of content you enjoy. The algorithm serves you more and more of that content, triggering a dopamine release each time. This keeps you on the platform longer, which in turn exposes you to more advertising, which makes that platform more money. Yikes.
By design, social media is meant to hook you in and keep you there. And it is incredibly successful. Roughly 10% of Americans report having some level of addiction to social media. That’s close to 34 million people. And the number of teens who are almost constantly online has almost doubled since 2015. Simply put, there are no shortage of horrifying statistics when it comes to the harmful effects of these platforms.
Educate your family
We highly recommend watching The Social Dilemma (2020). Whether you are single, just married, or already have children, this is a fabulous documentary about the harmful effects of social media. It explores how social media networks are designed and how they affect the way we think, act, and live our lives. Truly, it is quite chilling, and it will put things into perspective as you begin this journey with your family.
There are many other documentaries out there, as well as numerous studies that highlight the detrimental effects of social media on our productivity, attention spans, communication skills, etc. Learn about these things, and then teach your children. Protect them from the harmful effects social media will have on their lives. Bring them up in good spiritual habits. Feed the part of them that hungers for fulfillment with the Scriptures, communal prayer, and a relationship with God. Only the fullness of Christ can satisfy that thirst we all seem to have. Teach them to seek the Lord, rather than take solace in technology when they feel empty, sad, or lacking purpose.
At what age should children be allowed on social media?
Ideally, children should not have any exposure to social media until they are at least 18, as legal adults who can decide for themselves whether to join the networks. The current legal age for most social media platforms is 13. But not everyone follows those rules, and they are, unfortunately, rather easy to circumvent.
If you are one of those parents whose children have social media, perhaps it is time to consider rolling that back. Will your children be upset with you? Probably. Will they hate you forever? Of course not. If they push back an unreasonable amount, that is a sure sign your children are suffering from an addiction and need this intervention.
Protecting your children from social media
Most parents believe that putting parental controls on devices will limit their children’s exposure to social media and harmful content online. However, these controls are easy enough for the child to bypass. If your kids want to get onto a certain platform and they have access to a device, they’ll find a way.
That being said, here are some things you can do to help protect your children (and yourselves) from this mind-numbing social media.
1. Establish boundaries and consequences
The key to protecting your children from social media is staying proactive. If your kids have access to devices, whether for school or for personal use, set expectations for the use of those devices. Establish rules for creating email accounts and accounts on social media platforms. Let them know the types of things that you expressly forbid, like pornography, sites involving drugs, violence, etc. Sit down as a family together and cover all your bases here. Involve your children in the process, so they feel included.
Then, with whatever boundaries you establish, enumerate consequences for the breaching of those boundaries. Regularly audit your children’s device content and check their search history, and let them know you will be doing this. Set privacy and content restriction settings together with your children (keep the passwords to yourself!) and discuss why these restrictions are put in place: to protect them.
2, Have a designated tech area in the house
Consider establishing a rule that technology can only be used in a public space in the home. Not in the bathroom, not in bedrooms, etc. There are few times when your child actually has to be alone with their technology. Even homework, if technology is required to complete it, can be done in these common areas, so long as distractions are at a minimum.
This helps you gain visibility as a parent, and perhaps more importantly, it gives you the opportunity to model proper behavior for your children when it comes to the use of technology in the home.
Along with this, consider charging all devices in a common area at nighttime, rather than leaving them in bedrooms. This will further minimize the opportunities for your children (or yourself) to engage in harmful behaviors with technology.
3. Set screen time limits
Treat social media like you would television or video games. Set limits for the amount of time you and your children can be on your devices. You can do this on the devices themselves, or just establish it as a general rule. No technology after 7pm, for example. Or only 2 hours of screen time per day. Whatever rule(s) you put in place, make sure everyone in the house abides, especially you!
4. Turn off notifications
Smart phones use notifications to insert themselves into the routine of our day. If we turn off most of those unnecessary notifications, the temptation to pick up our devices every five minutes significantly decreases. It also helps lower stress and boosts productivity. Protect your children (and yourself) from the temptation of constantly picking up their phone or tablet by turning off notifications from all social media apps. Monitor the notification settings periodically, to make sure the kids aren’t turning them back on.
5. Remove the ability to download apps
If your child has a smart phone, you can remove the ability to download apps on Apple or Android. It is unwise to allow them to download whatever apps they want, especially if you are not familiar with those apps. If your child asks to use an app, test drive it for yourself and use discernment (more on this later) to determine if the app is necessary/helpful.
If you do allow your children to have certain social media apps, set up an account for yourself on the same app and connect with your child’s account. Friend or follow one another, so you have visibility to what they are posting and sharing on the platform. This helps with accountability as well, because your children know that “Mom and Dad are watching”. Moreover, establish rules for who they can friend and follow. A general rule of thumb: if they aren’t the same age or a family member, your child should not connect with them.
6. Go to confession
This applies to everyone! We all sin and are in desperate need of the forgiveness that we receive through Confession. Encourage your children to be open and honest with the priest about the things that trouble them and make them uneasy, angry, etc. The effects of social media go far beyond the physical; their very souls can suffer from exposure to harmful content, and it is important that they recognize this.
Related: How To Prepare Your Child For Confession
Model the correct preparation for Confession, and help your children understand the purpose of this Sacrament in the life of the Church. Teach them about repentance, honesty, and accountability, and model it for them. If you struggle with social media addiction, too, let your children know this. Fight the temptation together, and let them watch the transformative power of Christ work in your life.
7. Teach them discernment
Help your children understand what it means to use discernment. Teach them about the true purpose of our lives, how every action we take either brings us closer to, or further away from, God. A teach them that most (if not all) social media content takes us further away from Him.
To help them develop discernment, try presenting them with hypothetical situations. For example: “What would you do if a friend posted something inappropriate?” “Why might we tell you not to accept friend requests from people older than you who aren’t family?” Asking these types of questions can help them problem-solve and be proactive, so they can handle any situation they encounter.
7. Pray for them
At the end of the day, your children have free will. Your job as a parent is to communicate boundaries and consequences, and to love them and guide them into becoming responsible, faithful Orthodox adults. If your child wants to do something that takes them further away from God and decides to forgo your rules and boundaries, simply communicate the consequence and then pray. Do not fight with your child or yell at them. Simply explain the consequence in clear terms, deliver the consequence, and leave it at that. Then take your frustrations and fears to the Lord in prayer.
Pray that your children develop discernment, that the Lord protects them from evil and temptation, that He give you patience and discernment as well, so you do not unintentionally cause spiritual harm to your children. And when you pray together as a family, pray for these same things. Bring God into your family life, and make Him the center of it, as He should be. This will teach your children that not only are you watching, but God is, too!
Can we use social media in a holy way?
Unfortunately, no. And that is because the purpose of social media directly opposes the purpose of the Christian life. Social media exists for our entertainment and pleasure, while our purpose in life as Christians is to become holy, to become like God.
Yes, you can follow Orthodox content creators and make attempts to sanctify your news feed. (And you can do the same with your children to protect them from other harmful media on these social channels.) But even doing this, you are swimming upstream in a white water current. We are ultimately better off not using social media at all. The ideal solution would be to work toward a total fast, from all of social media.
Fasting from social media
Fasting is an incredibly beneficial spiritual practice in Orthodoxy, and it is not limited simply to food. In accordance with the fasting seasons of the church, we should regularly fast not only from food and drink, but from technology, frivolous entertainment, social media, wicked thoughts and words, etc.
This means putting our technology aside and focusing instead on prayer, almsgiving, and spiritual growth. If the idea of a fast from social media terrifies you, that means you need to fast all the more from it. If you have a spouse and/or children, fast together as a family. A great place to start is with Wednesdays and Fridays, the days on which we remember our Lord’s betrayal and crucifixion, respectively. After that, implement a technology/social media fast during the four main fasting seasons, too.
Eventually, you will find that you do not need social media as much as you once thought. You will find yourself far less anxious and stressed, more centered and productive, and better rested.
Focus instead on meaningful human connection
Social media attempts to replace our need for meaningful, authentic human interactions. It should be obvious, but clearly, this is not possible. We were made specifically with the need to commune with one another in person. To see each other, talk to each other. And if we spend all our time buried in our phones pretending to connect, we will lose what makes us human. Our ability to connect, our ability to love as God loves.
While fasting from your social media, try seeking out meaningful connections. What does this mean? It means a connection that, ultimately, helps you progress toward salvation. You can find these connections with your parents, your siblings, your spouse, your children. As you find these good connections, be sure to weed out the bad ones, too. And little by little, you will find you need social media less and less as you physically interact with other human beings made in the image and likeness of God.
Conclusion
Constant exposure to social media draws our attention away from God. When we immerse ourselves too deeply into the digital world, we can develop feelings of inadequacy, vanity, depression, and anxiety. We socially isolate ourselves from others, neglecting authentic, real-life interactions with the people around us. If we hope to heal our communities and heal ourselves, we must reject the addictive snare that is social media and teach our children to do the same.
Keep Reading: Teaching Your Children (And Yourself) How To Pray